Something Real or Nothing - Rant of a Cynical Introvert

An introvert is not someone who had the quality inherent by birth; that is - they are not born; they are made by the very eccentricities of this society. It is not a short term avatar; it's a lifestyle choice.

The introvert is usually and more often than not, a cynic. By choice and sometimes by heredity. And not necessarily in that order. Cynical Introverts like yours truly are not negative absolutes; they are not spoilsports and downright pessimists. They are merely not overtly optimistic and a bit blatantly practical despite having a lot of niceness in them.

An introvert simply does not believe in being an innocent daydreamer, walking around puking sunshine. Not the “Woods are lovely dark and deep types”. There is a substantial amount of subtlety involved.

A cynical introvert can be really passionate about his gig like - say poetry. The said cynic might be decent at it too, or believes himself to be so. And so he poes frequently, if only at 2:30AM locked in his room. Or breaks into a poetic diarrhea when he's in an unnaturally good mood (unnatural for people who ain’t nocturnals) not for him.

But no, he does not spontaneously 'poe' at bars, because he does not believe that saturday - saturday/honey singh fans, vomiting vermins who say “waah waah” for everything that sounds like a rhyme as audience. And no, he does not toast at parties, where everyone save him are piss-drunk or behave like hypocritical fakesters who claim not to drink but do it secretly only with their teddy bears.

Cynical introverts are not crazy, delusional, depressed or antisocial. Well, antisocial, sometimes. Introverts are commonly misunderstood, but the cynical ones delight themselves in those misunderstandings, the mental middle fingers that they virtually show everyday keeps them entertained in their own rebellious way.

Cynical Introverts do not need you to get them into the "happening" circles. They are not just friend/brother substitutes. They aren't bodyguards, agony aunts, pond walk partners or just someone with whom you can just chew some fat and break ice.

They are not just Case Study partners

They are not just free American university SOP/HR answers reviewers or writers.

Cynical Introverts are not just please-like-my-page-I-need-your-support friends.

They either want to be something real or nothing. They work in binary terms.

Introverts are not someone to go all muaah, soo chweet and aah over your kid's pic. Some of the cynical ones don't even like kids. A few like me in particular, don't care and don't want to. A few introvets don't like the dogs and cats that roam around fucking everything that is got some crevice to be filled; they would rather prefer some "genuine" care on humans instead. They believe more in working for a cause than building families.

Cynical Introverts are something more than a phone number, an email address and a facebook page. They are trustworthy. Conversations with intorverts deserve a special mention. They do prefer keeping to themselves, but they are not, I repeat, not, I repeat yet again, not averse to conversations. If shown truthfulness they can become the most genuine and caring bunch in the whole world. They can be part of something that is concrete and real, things that have a lot of depth. However, the following "parts of speech" do not qualify as conversation:

"whatever"

"k"

"What else?"

"hmmmm..I don't understand you"

"LOL" (spelt G-A-S)

"ROFL" (spelt N-O F-*-*-K-I-N-G I-D-E-A)

When you have nothing to say and prefer not to, it is okay to not converse. Simply greeting someone just because you bumped into them and saying "What's up macha" (read as what's happening in your uneventful life - you uncivilized south indian philistine?) just makes the silence more awkward than it needs to be. That applies to phone calls, whatsapp pings, all ubiquitous forms of multilogue, including comments on social networks.

When a just married couple puts up a couple pic, or recent parents put up a pic of their newborn, it is okay to just hit "like", instead of going overboard with "Aww, nazar lag na jaaye" "You both look so good together - Best couple in the world” "Rab ne bana di jodi", "So cuuuuute" (with a zillion 'u's) while honesty's and subtlety's mummy and grandaddy roll over and cringe uncomfortably in their grave.

It's ok when you fight with some one, but instead of genuinely showing that remorse, faking that hypocritical smile just to get your job done or to prove your mother teresa credientials is plain vomit inducing. It's ok to enjoy an evening with friends instead of that mandatory fb check in. Try it sometimes it feels relaxing.

Cynical introverts are not conventionally warm; at the very least, they do not want to be. They aren't shrewd or calculative either, since that requires too much work and a single-minded focus. Cynical introverts are just plain indifferent and can be a tad likable if you value them for who they are and not just for things that you can milk them for.

Someday, I'm going to be killed, stifled by my pillow or poisoned (I wish the later to be true). Or my mind will eventually turn on itself, and on me, with an anger it wasn't aware that it possessed, and leave an impression of its prints on my skull.

Cynicism and being an introvert may not be the healthiest of lifestyle choices. It might be going against the very foundations of the idea that homo-sapiens are social animals. But then, it all comes down to what helps you sleep peacefully. Whether it's a strong feeling of denial, or the fact that you like someone enough to not want to inflict your whole bout of anger on them.